THE LIE OF SELF-CARE
The lie of the self-care movement breeds narcissism and neglects the truth of self.
“Take care of yourself” didn’t always have to be explained. “Be well” was once understood. “Stay healthy” didn’t need books and studies and podcasts and therapists and influencers and medi-fessionals to clarify what it meant. In the land of pet rocks and bloody lawn ornaments, it’s no surprise that anything can be turned into a business, and a successful one at that.
But it’s important for people to take care of themselves! We don’t want neglect, burnout, bad hygiene, binge-eating, emotional repression, or stress! Don’t you want everyone to be their best? Besides, health care isn’t new, from the sanitoriums of yesteryear to the original spas and mineral bathing, society has always cared about wellness. Valid point, of course, and there shouldn’t be need to encourage people to take care of themselves. However, the once simple, roughly pre-industrial norms are worlds and psyches away from the current multi-billion dollar industry propagated by pontificators of the self.
The modern “practice of self-care” will turn almost any move toward active, healthy living into a tip or terminology to serve the self. Taking care of yourself is no longer about simply bothering to go outside, staying active, exploring nature, eating well, and cultivating hobbies or interests, but the basis for an entire industry replete with clothing, paraphernalia, and social media driven content. As we’re bombarded into immobility with digital stimulants from one side, we turn to experts and professionals on the other to tell us what was once part of regular living. That we often seek these self-anointed gurus in the same spaces that cluttered our minds to begin with reveals much about this predicament.
The lie, however, isn’t in the good recommendations that could lead to a better state of being, but in the inevitable mashup of terms particular to the modern self-centered era. Focus shifts from standard practices of healthy, active lifestyles to an emphasis on the emotional aspects we ball and chain to everything that once raised us above our base selves. Self-care has become more about validation and escapism than recharge and upkeep. Tell others what you need, reflect on how you feel, do whatever is joyful to you, avoid what causes you stress or anxiety, prioritize yourself. You. You. You. Not go time, me time.
As with the grab-bag of other vulturine money-making phenomena, we’ve taken something good and necessary and metastasized it into a cross-bred yeti which necessitates rejection. Even the untrained eye can detect frequent correlation between “self-care” and self-centeredness and their perennial paths to narcissism. The common language of caring for the self invites familiar expressions of “I need to do this for myself” and “This is for me.” Neither of which are very outward facing statements nor effective means of getting out of your own head.
The lie of the “self-care” movement is the misguided, usually flat out wrong, emphasis on where this care should be directed, creating a primary value where there shouldn’t be. Although good aspects which successfully promote better health are woven in, the main focus and mindset concentrates too much on self, and neither address the underlying question of what is your real self?
As per suggested methodology, “self-care” proponents appear to believe the self is the external, physical self. However, the self can never be truly cared for if the prevailing attitude is that body is self, and not merely a vessel encasing the real self.
Recently, a young woman asserted in conversation that her hair is just so much a part of who she is. A curious statement at best. Her hair may be iconic to her, part of her look, what people see first, but is it really her? If she cut it short, would she not still be herself? Visual adjustment might take a few days but it can and will be done, else we’d regard shaving like an amputation. Significant change may be jolting, but that sentiment will fade.
Many amputees heroically persist and live fulfilling, impactful lives, despite what must be overcome in adjusting to such a drastic, life-altering change. The fact that so many keep going, the fact they even can, proves their true self endures intact. Moreover, they may discover something about their self they wouldn’t have otherwise. There’s a reason such individuals inspire awe and admiration. Not only for incredible persistence and perseverance, but also as proof that the sum of a man is more than the completeness of external parts. How do common methods of self-care pursue this discovery?
Perhaps DNA is a better indicator of self, the genetic coding comprising the entirety of you. As such, the mapping of the human genome should be a celebration of the complete understanding of the human self. DNA contains enough information that centuries later a skeleton can reveal features long lost to time. Remarkable as this is, there’s quite a few things they cannot reveal. Thoughts. Dreams. Ambitions. Does such not speak more to who a person is than ancestral migration patterns? How do current self-care protocols encourage their fulfillment?
Thoughts, dreams, ambitions, and the like are better indicators of a person’s self, yet while we detect their physical vessels in the body, no organ yields measurable elements that can be held in hand. The skull shields the brain which houses the mind, but can a piece of mind be placed upon a scale? The heart pumps passion and drums with feeling but not only is the actual emotion (not psychosomatic symptom) not detectable, but when speaking of the heart we don’t even draw it anywhere close in depiction to the real organ. The disconnect speaks enough.
A self-portrait, a selfie, what do they capture? An image, a mood, a stage, but do either really contain the whole and true self? If yes, how? If yes, why would anyone need more than one?
All to say, the body is literally an exoskeleton of the true self. The closer we get to discovering the real self, the more we shift away from presumptive lies of accepted self-care to the truth of a self intangible, invaluable, and inarguably precious.
Consider the mantra my body is a temple, and note how it leaves out a most vital component. Debatable as it may be to give the body such prominence, it could only be true if someone recognizes the intended purpose of a temple. To care for the structure with reverence for it houses something divine. The body can only be a temple if something holy is within.
If someone is emotionally distant, cognitively degenerating, or in a coma, there’s a tendency to refer to such a person as “not fully there”, “somewhere in there”, and the like. An odd assertion as the individual is most physically present. And yet, anyone could agree that in such scenarios something about them is missing.
Intellect and emotion are internal, entwining with unchangeable aspects of personality and characteristics much closer to the real self. But, while the act of thinking, dreaming, desiring doesn’t change, the manifestations do. Singular dreams or ambitions can persist for lifetimes, while others change and evolve, or did at some point between child and adulthood. Thoughts and dreams don’t specifically define a true self, but rather reflect a current state of self. By nature of their ability and proclivity to change, they remain external to the unchangeable essence of a person. It’s this core the American Founders tied inalienable rights to. That something in man not distinguished by external features, something eternal, untouchable, found deep within, and from high Above.
A consequence of the “self-care” lie is that when we can’t recognize a true self, we fall into the damaging tendency to see and think in terms of externalities, creating a perverse emphasis on what lies above the surface. Current society endeavors to embed a philosophy whereby if two persons don’t share outsides, they certainty can’t find any common ground inside. Blatant falsehood. If this was true, then none but identical twins could be neighbors and every storyteller would be out of a job. The prevailing notion that stories bring us together is predicated on universal truths, truths that exist at the epicenter of the human condition, past externalities.
Do self-care pontificators ever grapple with that? What then is the true self?
The true self is the core essential aspect of a being, constant, whole, and indivisible. And while this definition may go far enough for people without a sense of divinity, for those who always look up, it’s known as a soul. A simple, intangible entity powering every part of the body. It doesn’t just give life, but drives us. Not knowing this is detrimental to its true value and results in the deflation of its true worth. Not knowing this leads us to focus all our care on the wrong self.
Reject the truth of its existence or nitpick the terminology, but none can deny when it forces itself to be known. Neglect of true self creates a tear, a void, an emptiness, an itching for meaning and validity that’s the self screaming there’s more to this world and existence. It’s that adamant voice insisting the answers aren’t found at the spa, baking artisanal bread, or in other similar pursuits because those are the finite trying to satiate a sliver of the infinite. Misunderstanding this inevitably leads to vain attempts to dull, distract, or overload the physical senses to make the discomfort go away. The prevailing models of “self-care” don’t properly acknowledge, let alone begin to resolve this. The proof is in the constant need to turn the camera around.
An effective pathway of care can only begin once the true self is recognized. An itch for meaning can only be scratched through investing in something enduring. A tear is mended through an effort to mitigate the negative traits which fray our cohesivity and obscure the unparallelled luminescent self. A desire for validity of being is found through the best of what humanity has to offer; service to others. Small favors. Upbeat calls. Friendly greetings. Quiet acts of kindness.
True self-care turns outward to the betterment of others; true self-care turns inward to the refinement of self. The value of service. The value of improvement. Both vastly more worthy of the self’s care.